TV Week: Podium Masterpiece Theatre

"You smell that? Do you smell that?"

If I had to name one show this season that you're not watching and should be, it's Podium Masterpiece Theatre on CBS. Struggling in the tough Wednesday early-morning timeslot, and facing off against a killer double-bill of America's Next Top Next Top Show and The Shit Whisperer on NBC, its days may be numbered, but this critically-acclaimed show needs your attention. My advice? Don't wait for the DVD.

With blink-and-you'll-miss-it podium cameos from such diverse performers as former President Bill Clinton reading the DiC logo title card, and Susan Sarandon as Kanye, this is a show like no other. It's passing will be deeply regretted by those lucky few who tuned in.

Despite falling ratings, this season's PMT has still been improving week on week, decisively answering those critics who argued it had peaked last year with the Emmy Award-winning season finale "Michael Sheen reads excerpts from O Magazine".

The New Yorker lavished the show with praise, calling Sheen's performance "White... toothy, grin!" and urging its readership to give the desperate PMT a try. The resulting buzz may have granted a renewal this season and second chance to find an audience, but many insiders felt this was more of a stay of execution than a reprieve.

"What Oprah Knows For Sure"

But the show's producers have not rested on their laurels, and are determined to go out fighting. In an interview for Vanity Fair last month, showrunner Alan Cliffe was defiant.

"We've got some big names. Real talent. Hell, we've got titans. Last year we had Michael, Martin, Charlie. Hell, all the Sheens. You thought Emilio's rendition of It's Not Easy Being Green was a tour de force? This year, we're going even bigger."

When it was leaked last Summer that network execs wanted PMT to go mass market, fans outrage was palpable. Would Podium would dumb down in an attempt to reach a wider audience? Cliffe dismissed the claims with equal vigour.

"Man, don't go believing everything you read on Twitter. Yes, some guys at HQ said some things over coffee. Yes, meetings took place. And yes, we told them no. From day one, this was a show that was not going to be for everyone. Not everyone wants to see a naked Kevin James stand behind a podium and read the book of Genesis. We get that. The network gets that. PMT is for the fans. Always has been."

True to his word, the commitment of Cliffe, along with his team, to the ideals of Podium has been stronger than ever. As promised, acting heavyweights Ian McKellen and Lil' Kim joined the cast this year, and if their joint podium reading of Huckleberry Finn in episode 2 is any indication, if Podium Masterpiece Theatre is going down, it's going out with a bang.

Colin Farrell Once again Mistakes Himself for Colin Firth at Recent Awards Bash

Colin Firth being Henry VIII

In a scene that was cut from television footage of the ceremony, Colin Farrell committed another serious media boo-boo by bounding on stage at the Golden Globes to collect Colin Firth's award for feature length Tourist Information Centre promo The Kings Speech. "Both of our names are Colin" apologised Farrell  on stage "It's not a huge mistake to make."

It's not the first time Colin Farrell has managed to mistake himself for the Bridget Jones 2: The Edge of Reason star. In 2008, Farrell turned up on the set of Michael Winterbottom's unremarkable Genova and insisted that he was there to play the part of Joe, even going so far as to introduce himself to a bemused cast and crew before Firth showed up to set things straight. "Both of our names are Colin and both of our surnames start with an F" Farrell continued after the awards ceremony. "We both have names that start very similarly. Also we are both actors so we move in the same circles so to speak"

Firth was mostly untroubled by the mix up but later commented "Farrell has two syllables and Firth has one, it's not a case of mishearing - they have microphones so it's not mishearing." Does Firth suspect that Farrell is doing this on purpose? "No"

Commentators await the Oscars to see whether Farrell will once again mistake himself for Firth or whether Firth will purposefully mistake himself for Farrell to even things out.

New Year's Fez-olutions 2011

Why? Because fezzes are cool.

That's Doctor Who, that is.

 Right, now that's got the attention of almost nobody, we may begin...

WELCOME TO

2011 TWO-IZZLE-OH-LIZ-EV-EN 2011

INTERNETS!

As is the custom for all blogs, everywhere, we humbly submit a list of self-promoting guff, taking the form of a blog-subject-matter-driven "New Year's Resolution" feature. As this blog's subject matter is generally a heady brew of bile, spite and dementia, readers should be warned that expectations of utility, or indeed legibility, are as unwise as they are unwarranted.

Presenting:

Your Haiku 2011 New Year Resolution List Solution

1. Join more cults (both millenarian and celebrity, e.g. Church Of The Latter Day Kardashians)
2. Discover a lost Amazonian tribe who communicate solely through the language... of love.
3. Prove conclusively that hamsters, earthworms and glue can be jury rigged to make a Rat King (as depicted in that A-Team episode, you know the one)
4. Dance, dance, wherever you may be.
5. In alphabetical order, write a book about your favourite organs, starting with the appendix.
6. Meet your heroes, the cast of cancelled NBC show, Heroes.
7. Wear a fez.
8. Start a beautiful friendship.
9. Play it again, Sam.
10. Compete in the upcoming Musical Reality Show Contest, Britain's Next Top-ol
11. Topple a government, install a puppet ruler, help puppet ruler escape from inside a whale and become a real ruler.
    
12. Learn to read palms.
13. Learn to read.
14. With the aid of the Black Arts, re-form the Jackson Five.
15. Repeat ad infinitum.

We hope that you found this list useful - and who knows, it may have even triggered some thoughts for resolutions of your own! Just remember, everyone's resolutions must be unique. If there is evidence of any plagarism, we'll have to start the year all over again, with a maximum pass mark of 50%.

Happy New Year, you sons of motherless dogs!