Miller’s Penis and Testicle Exhibit

Darren Miller to exhibit his penis and testicles at the Swiss Cottage Gym in London

Miller's penis and testicles are rarely seen in public but recently he has been exposing them to the fresh changing room air on Monday, Wednesday and Friday mornings with the occasional outing on a Sunday.

If you catch him at the right time, you will see Miller stood facing the lockers as he tentatively unfastens his belt, unbuttons his trousers (often fashionable 'denims') and then he will hurriedly lower them along with his underpants (generally a snug fitting trunk) leaving his flaccid penis on display for all to see whilst he scrambles for a towel. If you can tear your eyes away from Darren Miller's penis and testicles you may notice his downturned eyes and expression of solemn concentration as he performs the display.

When asked why he chose now to reveal his penis and testicles, Miller simply furrowed his brow and clutched his towel a little tighter to his damp, trembling body. And he's right; the baring of his penis and testicles should be enigmatic, like Picasso's Guernica... what's that about? Probably nothing.

Rumour has it that Miller often follows the ritual with a shower, allegedly washing the aforementioned penis and testicles with soapy water but we have it on good authority that he does NOT like you to follow him in.

Entry may require the purchase of a gym membership. Expect queues.

All next week, local man Darren Miller will be revealing his penis and testicles in the changing rooms of the Swiss Cottage Gym and everyone's invited! Everyone that is male because the changing rooms are the male changing rooms.

Monster vs Monster

Say it proud guy.

World Cup Wonders

"Everyone's talking about the World Cup" - Join the debate, at World Cup Wonders.

In today's World Cup Wonders, we reveal some of the lighter behind-the-scenes moments of the 2010 tournament; magic moments forever etched on the goalposts of history. Here's five fun facts you won't find on the back page - Let's get Wondering!

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1. URUGUAY coach Oscar Tabarez may have led his squad of brave, ambiguously ethnic men to the top of Group A, but DID YOU KNOW that Tabarez is the also the first son of Huitzilopochtli, the left-handed hummingbird god of the sun? Born in 1307, Tabarez was forever exiled from the fabled city of Tenochtitlan on his 18th birthday for hiding the great Lake Xochimilco from the water-dwelling dog-monkey, Ahuizotl.

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2. DID YOU KNOW that Japanese defender Marcus Tulio Tanaka is renowned in his
homeland for his cutlery-related japes? Unknown in Japan until the late 19th century, forks are held by many Japanese to be an ill omen - but not for Tanaka! In his first international game, the wily defender slipped a sterling three-tined affair into goalie Shaka Hislop's sock, causing the Trinidadian considerable discomfort - the strategy was a success, and Tanaka's been hiding forks ever since! Hislop later died of his injuries.

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3. NIGHTINGALES' EGGS were commonly used during the Tang dynasty to play cuju; the game what would one day be known as "Football". The graceful creatures would rarely surrender their young willingly, leading to a mutual antipathy between songbirds and Chinamen that continues today. Games would last for anything up to a minute, with many ending in a tie.

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4. DUTCH players must take regular lead supplements to counteract the effects of the rarefied Table Mountain air on their lowland constitutions. Midfielder Orlando Engelaar was dropped from the 2010 squad after quite literally evaporating during an early morning run. RUMOUR HAS IT that coach Bert Van Marwijk requested for Engelaar's essence to be pumped into the ball before each match, perhaps leading to the Dutch team's current run of form.

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5. FIFA PRESIDENT Sepp Blatter was owned by Leonardo da Vinci; the Florentine polymath won him from a rival artist after a fierce duel outside the gates of Milan. Spending much of the following centuries in the hands of private French collections, Blatter was smuggled to England during the Napoleonic Wars, where he remains to this day, hanging in the Sainsbury Wing of the National Gallery.

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Keep Wondering Wonder-fans!

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