Turn it into Gas: Heston Blumenthal Inspires New School of Thought on Self Improvement

Heston's delicious bowl 

Proving that Heston Blumenthal's influence now extends far beyond food and television, a new self help movement has come to prominence, adapting Heston's experimental cheffery techniques into rules to guide everyday life.

Dubious about whether the teachings of a British TV Chef and Restaurateur can improve your life? Try out these handy Life Directives and see the difference for yourself.

1. Visualize the Problem as a Gas - Much like the way Heston will take a problem like Christmas Dinner and turn it into a delicious gas; you should try to imagine obstacles to your happiness as a gas consisting of the essence of the predicament. Facing discrimination at work? Visualize all of your colleagues as a billowing cloud of flavoured smoke or gas. Then imagine the very concept of discrimination as a scented vapor. Try feeling repressed by a vapor... You can't. 
2. Turn Negative emotions into Gas - Fear, Anger, Rage, Lust, Greed; all can be comfortably managed when transformed into a collection of molecules unbound by an electric field or something. The next time you are violently attacked by a gang of inner-city teens as part of an initiation ritual; imagine it as a gas. 
3. Imaginate Hyper Personalised Dry-Ice Positivity Fields - Connectorate double yes tumbling soft curds of liquid nitrogen. Force yourself to go up to someone and weep hot-cold cascades of magnanimity smoke (Or Gas) into their being from the core of your Spiced Spirit Pear... (In Gas Form) 
4. Heat Memories Past the Point of Liquidity (...But not Plasma!) - You are no longer afraid of being buried alive. Ha ha ha. 
5. Personal Shortcomings Should Fill Any Container They're Whence Contained- Be that a Tupperware box or The Subconsiouce.  Turn it into a Gas. All into a Gas, mate. 

Eh... ehp. 

I'm feeling better already. You?