Team Time Team Time Teambuilding Time Today!

Looking to replicate the "Team Time Team Time Management Management Dynamic" in your own business?

This time on Haiku Biz Tips, Haiku Biz Tips tips its hat at Time Team's dynamic team dynamic, as Team Time Team team-up to present present Time Team Teambuilding tips.

TOP TIP #1

Have a "Tony Robinson" - Easier than it sounds, but easy to miss. Every team needs a charming good-luck charm/everyman. Time Team's Tony is Tony himself. Who's the Tony in your business?

Tony's Tony is a tiny tessellate tile tip.

TOP TIP TWO (#2)

Phil 'em up! - Energetic enthusiasm essential for any project isn't easy to encourage. Follow Team Time Team encasing enthusiastic energy entirely in a Phil. Fill Phil full of fulfilling philippic fire for fearful full effect, effectively confounding competitors.

The very model of a modern major general. In cutoffs.

TOP TIP TRES (#3)

Hire "that guy" - Time Team's roaming Roman rover rarely reveals relevancies such as to advertise his utility, "that guy" guards 'gainst when that unexpected outcome comes. His skillset kills that threat unknown until too late, his fate to wait useless unless the unplanned for and unforeseen is seen. Also, he knows about Spitfires.

You know. That guy.

PHOTO: TIME FOR THE TEAM TIME TEAM TEAM PHOTO

In time, your team can team-up to timely manage deadlines, dig trenches, and maximise profit/knowledge, just like Team Time Team!

The Bourgeoisie's own gravediggers.

NEXT TIME:

Next time, for Project Runway Runaway Project Management Success, see you next time!

See you next time!

Census 2011: Give The Beardless A Voice

IF YOU'RE NOT HIRSUTE,

FOR GILLETTE PROGLIDE™'S SAKE SAY SO

Haiku proudly supports the "No Beard" Census Campaign.

Time For A Close Shave?

Why You Should Tick "No Beard" In 2011 If You're Beardless

It's very important that people answer the question on what kind of beard you have, despite the fact that it is optional. We understand that your style of beard may be personal, or private, and we respect the right of people to wear their beards in secret, or behind an opaque beard-sheath.

However, we strongly advise people to tick the "No Beard" box, because:

1. It is important that the census generates accurate figures. This data is used to allocate limited resources, such as combs, pomade and women. The more people who tick "No Beards", the less inaccurate evidence there is to suggest the government should listen to bearded lunatics.
2. There will be no personal negative repercussions if you do. The Hairychins will not sneak into your quiet place and steal your teeth.
3. This may be the last census ever taken. The Curly Old Ones wait between the stars. They approach!

The Elder Shoggoth Greets His Mustachioed Herald

If You Tick "Moustache" Out Of Habit, Here's Why You Should Rethink

The Office of National Hair (ONH), government lint inspectors and other equality bodies have all recognised there is a problem with the Census statistics on beard-style. Other than beard length, what is being measured? Is it-

• Beard Length?
• What do people believe?
• Circumference of moustache curl?

The leading question "What kind of beard do you have?" meant that lots of people chose "Franz Josef" even though they do grow hair on their chin, are female, or both.

After the 2001 census, figures were collected to justify the following policies:

• National Mutton-Chop Awareness Month
• Commissioning BBC Radio 4's topical quiz "Beardly, Beardly Beard Buzz"
• Brian Blessed
• Construction of The Goatee'd Angel of the North-North-East
• Public funding of "interbeard" schools and youth centres

By selecting "Hollywoodian" you'll be supporting an agenda that may affect you negatively in future. For example, local social clubs and salons may be "beard-only", but your pubescent tufts not "beard" enough to grant entry or membership.

FAQ: Lambchop? Soul Patch? Garibaldi? What If I'm A Woman?

I am Handlebar by extraction, but do not practice regular waxing. Should I tick "Handlebar"?
No, your flaccid tips betray your lassitude, condemning you to a life of unruly Mexican bushiness.

Is there a "Designer Stubble" box to tick?
Yes. It's found under the orientation question, and is labelled "Gay".

I wrote "Jedi" last time. Should I do this again?
We understand this is a form of protest for failing to understand topical and/or substantive issues generally, and for wasting tax-payers money under the mistaken impression that you are some kind of radical. We understand this. And we pity you.

Doesn't God have a beard?

Yes, but in his omnibarbate luxury, he also does not have a beard. He also only/also has a moustache. This is what is meant by "The Holy Trinity".

THANK YOU, AND BE(ARD)WARE!

REMEMBER - "NO BEARD" MEANS "MO' FREEDOM"

Turn it into Gas: Heston Blumenthal Inspires New School of Thought on Self Improvement

Heston's delicious bowl 

Proving that Heston Blumenthal's influence now extends far beyond food and television, a new self help movement has come to prominence, adapting Heston's experimental cheffery techniques into rules to guide everyday life.

Dubious about whether the teachings of a British TV Chef and Restaurateur can improve your life? Try out these handy Life Directives and see the difference for yourself.

1. Visualize the Problem as a Gas - Much like the way Heston will take a problem like Christmas Dinner and turn it into a delicious gas; you should try to imagine obstacles to your happiness as a gas consisting of the essence of the predicament. Facing discrimination at work? Visualize all of your colleagues as a billowing cloud of flavoured smoke or gas. Then imagine the very concept of discrimination as a scented vapor. Try feeling repressed by a vapor... You can't. 
2. Turn Negative emotions into Gas - Fear, Anger, Rage, Lust, Greed; all can be comfortably managed when transformed into a collection of molecules unbound by an electric field or something. The next time you are violently attacked by a gang of inner-city teens as part of an initiation ritual; imagine it as a gas. 
3. Imaginate Hyper Personalised Dry-Ice Positivity Fields - Connectorate double yes tumbling soft curds of liquid nitrogen. Force yourself to go up to someone and weep hot-cold cascades of magnanimity smoke (Or Gas) into their being from the core of your Spiced Spirit Pear... (In Gas Form) 
4. Heat Memories Past the Point of Liquidity (...But not Plasma!) - You are no longer afraid of being buried alive. Ha ha ha. 
5. Personal Shortcomings Should Fill Any Container They're Whence Contained- Be that a Tupperware box or The Subconsiouce.  Turn it into a Gas. All into a Gas, mate. 

Eh... ehp. 

I'm feeling better already. You?

The Ice Cream Hasn't Set - A Short Poem

...And to finish I'm going to do a passion-fruit ice cream.

Are you sure, you only have an hour. 


I'm confident. Pretty Confident.

Are you sure the ice cream will set in time?


I've never done it before but now's as good a time as any.

Brave, brave, brave. 


One Hour Later


Awh, no.

What is it?

The Ice Cream Hasn't Set. 

What are you going to do?


I'm going to serve it as a shot.

Get it out there.