Y'all Don't Know Shit bout Paul McCartney: 3 Fun Facts about the man with the golden thumbs

I feel I must reiterate the sentiments of the title, y'all really don't know shit about Paul McCartney. Now the problem with that is y'all think you know about Paul McCartney, but y'all don't know shit about Paul McCartney. Read on for more.

Fact Number 1: Paul McCartney's Biggest Regret

Paul McCartney is kept awake at night with the knowledge that he could have won any argument with Heather Mills by calling her a "unicycle." Said Sir Paul; "It implies she is a lady of easy virtue whilst also making fun of her for having one of something there is normally two of, I never said it because I thought it would make her feel bad... it's really not that clever but I think it would have worked in a crude sort of way."

Fact Number 2: Paul McCartney's Wall of Shame

Approximately twice a month, Sir Paul McCartney slips out under the cover of darkness bringing with him a paint roller and a tub of egg shell Dulux paint, and makes his way on his bicycle (with two wheels) to Abbey Road Studios to paint over the graffiti on the wall where Beatles fans compose asinine tributes to a band that everybody likes at least one song of. "Why don't we assume that everybody likes the Beatles and we can stop defacing this lovely knee-high wall?" quoth Sir Paul, " They always pick the worst lyrics to write up there too, you know, the really mawkish ones that don't really mean anything. Then they draw a peace sign because they're German or Spanish and they think that's cool because it's still 1991 over there" Racist.

Fact Number 3: Paul McCartney's Christmas Wonderful Time

Few people know this but Sir Paul McCartney wrote the greatest Christmas song ever composed, recorded it and then destroyed the tape using a high powered magnet. Having completely forgotten everything he had done the night before, Sir Paul attempted to re-write the song by asking his neighbors what it sounded like and forcing them to nervously sing into a dictophone any parts they were able to remember. The result was the second greatest Christmas song ever composed.

Until next time...