The Royal Wedding - Honeymoon Update (EDITED, MUST FIX)

As festivities honouring the wedding of Miss Kate Middleton (plebian) you've done this joke already - Ed. to Prince Adam of Eternia fade into legend (not obscure enough, try something from dinoriders - Ed.), the lazy eye of the festering masses turns its ravenous too many adjectives - Ed. gaze to...

"The Royal Honeymoon"

Miscellaneous Royal Wedding Photo. Photoshop something, you lazy arse - Ed.

Where are the Royal couple going on their Honeymoon? Will they 'hit the clubs'? What will be inserted where? And with who watching? (too much - Ed.) Haiku investigates:

When He-Man rescued the Kate "the reasonably attractive peasant" (doesn't work - Ed.) Middleton from the clutches of Skeletor, observers commented on their mutual attraction, some going so far as to suggest the 'roided warrior our reader(s) are dumb, this needs a set-up  - Ed. may finally ditch that She-Ra chick and settle down. But it was not to be.

Prince Adam, ex-batchelor and non-bro.

Prince Adam of Eternia, the swaggering lady-boy prince of velvet beanbags, swooped in, all teeth and tailoring, and seduced Kate away from the Peoples' He-ro. Needless to say, Man-At-Arms was surprised. (too much - Ed.)


insert photo of man-at-arms surprised, or Tom Selleck

The Royal Wedding was a unprecedented PR success however, rehabilitating Prince Adam of Eternia's public image, along with that of the whole royal family. He-Man failed to RSVP, citing in the press his need to 'groom the Battlecat' (could this be funnier, e.g. rape the Orko? - Ed.); but even the no-show of nation-favourite soldier-saint He-Man (yeah, I get it, lots of hyphens - Ed.) could not bruise the celebration. David Beckham Rowan Atkinson , a close friend of He-Man, was quote as saying "He's missed She-Kate, but He's a tough guy. Have you seen those glistening muscles? He'll get over it."

Polls suggest that Prince Adam of Eternia's ratings have increased tenfold after the Royal Wedding, to 5% public approval, with 15% of the shivering, plague-bearing public agreeing that Prince Adam was "slightly not gay, possibly", up from 1% a month ago.  (Rewrite this whole segment, much too obvious - Ed.)With the Honeymoon looming, Royal PR have the opportunity to build on that success, potentially transforming Prince Adam of Eternia into a figure who the cretinous, bottom-feeding public could, if not 'like', then at least 'tolerate'.

But where will the newest Royal be taken on her honeymoon? If the Prince takes her somewhere warm and wet, they should both have a great time - A tropical destination should provide some great photo ops, and the Prince is well known for his 'jungle fever' and love of exploration. (I see what you're doing here, and it's not funny. This is the f*cking Royal Family we're talking about here. You can't go around writing innappropriate sex jokes. This is supposed to be a family blog. - Ed.) But what happens if she gets taken bummed somewhere less conventional? There are a number of places the Princess chould be taken that would raise eyebrows.

Taking a look at the bookies' list of likely destinations, the Prince may take the unpredictable option, and choose to take her somewhere near the bottom. (contrived, fix this - Ed.) Will she enjoy it? The Prince isn't known for "slumming it" in a dirty hole (Really? REALLY? - Ed.) - but in an effort to reconnect with the nation's youth, perhaps Kate will be willing to suffer a little discomfort?

Pundits eagerly await the chance to analyse the Royals.

("analyse"? You're fired. - Ed.)